It’s been a couple of weeks of soul searching. Life. Creativity. Career. The big questions.
Ultimately I had to face up to some personal truths. Basically I haven’t been honest with myself. The journey back to myself which I thought I had completed in the whole giving-up-slaving-for-the-man-for-life-of-creative-freedom, is in fact, not really over. I had diverted off the path. Tempted away by ‘the man’ type promises. If this was Little Red Riding Hood and I was Hood, then I had ended up hanging out with Hansel and Gretel in the bad part of the woods, getting high on marshmallows, instead of going to grandma’s house Like I was supposed to. Something like that.
Am I being a bit obscure here?
I had left the art I truly loved and that loved me. I listened to external fears about my embroidery not being commercial enough to be a feasible business proposition, not the kind of stuff I was doing anyway, and the long hours it took. I ended up worrying about money rather than being creatively truthful. That’s not a ridiculous thing to worry about, but in thinking this way I had to face up that I had stopped believing in doing the right thing for me – being true to myself – could lead to happiness and fulfilment in all senses of the word.
I still do feel like a bit of a loser, considering all the time and energy I’ve invested into numerous projects, and I still keep changing my bloody mind, but I guess it’s the journey, not the destination.
Linked to source
What he said.
But hallelujah, I’ve seen the light. Some well-timed advice, some encouragement, tears and middle-of-the-night obsessive thoughts, and I’ve picked this guy up again:
Time to get that background finished once and for all!
Plus some really exciting new projects and techniques to learn that I will be blogging about in the coming weeks and months.